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Gorillas
in the Yard Bill went out to pick up the newspaper and saw
there was a gorilla in the yard, out under the oak by the side of the street.
He was a big one, a silverback, and he was staring at Bill. Grabbing the paper,
Bill hustled himself back inside and pulled back the curtain and looked out the
window. The gorilla was no longer there. After breakfast and coffee, Bill went to check
again, and now the gorilla was back under the tree, but now his yard was full
of gorillas. They were everywhere, thick as Johnson grass. Bill called the police, told them his problem.
Well, he didn’t mention gorillas. Merely that he was having trespassers who
looked dangerous. When the police arrived his true
problem would be self-explanatory. After what seemed forever
he heard a car pull in the drive and then there was a knock at the door. He
opened it cautiously. Two gorillas wearing police uniforms were at the door. “You called?” said the largest of the two. Bill was stunned for a moment, had nothing to
say. After a moment of waiting both police-gorillas sighed. “It’s against the law to make a false call,”
the smaller gorilla-cop said. Bill looked past them. The yard was even more
full of gorillas, big and small, young and old. They had spilled out into the
street. “I was reporting that my yard is full of… there
are a lot of… people in my yard.” The cops turned and looked. “So?” said the big
cop. “Well, I guess maybe I panicked.” “I guess you did,” said the big cop. “My mistake.” “Watch it,” said the smaller gorilla. “You
don’t want a night in the hoosegow, watch it.” “Yes, sir,” Bill said. The two cops hitched up their gun belts and
walked out to their car and backed out and drove away. The gorillas in the yard
stood staring at Bill in the doorway. Slowly, Bill closed the door. He went into the kitchen and poured himself a
stout shot of gin from the cabinet and drank it in one swallow. Then he went to the bathroom. “What’s happening?” he said aloud, then lifted
his head and looked up and saw his face in the mirror. He was a gorilla. “Oh, okay,” he said to the mirror. “Now it all
makes sense.” We’ll
go ape if you’re not here next
Thursday for more Mojo monkey business. "Gorillas
in the Yard" was originally published in The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill
Team and Other Stories, a collection published by Subterranean Press. "Gorillas
in the Yard" © 2023 By Bizarre Hands, LLC. All Rights Reserved. |
